excuses 101

Getting out of work is an art, and I have a permanent exhibition at MOMA with my craft. In the effort to let all people skip work as often as you want, please find below one of my go-to excuses for missing a Monday when they know you were gone for a weekend.
This is a real email I sent my boss, and it worked.

Hi-
I just got bumped off my flight for some air marshall, I argued it but there was nothing I could do. There are no more flights back to NY today, so the next flight I can get on is at 6am tomorrow - landing I'm JFK at 10am. I will come straight from the airport to the office. I know we have status at 10, so I can dial in on my way to the office, just might be 5-10 minutes late dialing in.


Sorry about this, I'm not sure why I got bumped instead of someone else but they didn't accept "I have to be at work in the morning" as a valid reason to not bump me.


Thanks.

excuses 101

I am the master of excuses. legit. if you want to get out of something, i am your girl.

I am going to start sharing my most genius excuses for your getting out of work/dates/etc pleasure.

Please note: It is never OK to kill off a live family member. if you MUST resort to killing off someone, they MUST already be dead. morbid but true. respek.

OK.

The excuse of the day is the DELLEN.

A DELLEN is defined by the medical dictionary as:

A transient shallow depression in the cornea near the limbus which is caused by a local dehydration of the corneal stroma, leading to a compression of its lamellae. It can occur as a result of strabismus surgery, cataract surgery, swelling of the limbus (as in episcleritis or pterygium), rigid contact lens wear or senility.

A dellen is not life threatening, not so gross that you dont want to share the news, but serious enough that you MUST not attend your commitment.

This is what a dellen looks like:



Dellen can also be used as a verb.

Person A: What are you doing tonight?
Person B: UGH I have this date I REALLY dont want to go on.
Person A: DELLEN THAT!

Go forth, young fledglings! Dellen your life away!