funny emails from my friends

You guys I'm not eating until LA, where I will wear gigantic wrap sweaters and huge sunglasses while pretending to be surprised when I'm spotted by the paps. 

funny emails from my friends

From a friend trying to make a list of their sexual conquests, but having trouble remembering some names:

i just started and already have entries "SD rando" ,"Alphabet City person" and "girl who thought i was in arrested development"

funny emails from my friends

Last night i burped and it sounded like a Kitten crying. NO. JOKE. i wish so bad i could recreate. it was so awesome and so weird!

funny emails from my friends

Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Last night Bartholomew found a craisin in my belly button. and it was hours after i had eaten them. I was crying I was laughing so hard. BC right before that I was on the couch w him and I coughed and blew a glob of snot onto my upper lip. he looked horrified and jumped up to get me a tissue. and then when he came baccckkkk, i was laying on the couch laughing and he goes what the hell is in your bellybutton. and then he presented me with animal crackers.

funny emails from my friends

There are a lot of things that bother me at the airport. Today it is 40 year old women with corn rows, fat people eating McDonalds and men with big square toe black shoes. I had to get that off my chest and knew you would understand. How is your morning going?

funny emails from my friends

"Some old man just called my cell and said, 'hello, is this Jazzercise?' "

funny emails from my friends

"Also did I tell you that on Sat am I saw some man pull down his shorts and defecate on the sidewalk? Right in front of a Subway (restaurant). Like in the window. I almost passed out. This was in Chelsea for goodness sake!"

funny emails from my friends

"I just found a ladybug in my ear. For real. I just itched my ear and there it was. Either it's good luck or really gross."

funny emails from my friends

I happen to think that I have the funniest friends that exist on planet earth. Going to start posting funny emails from friends, names will be omitted to protect the guilty.

I just made the biggest faux pas ever. I walked up to an asian girl at work and just started talking to her about her department and rings, and blah blahhhh

Thinking that she was someone else completely (another asian obviously) and she was like "UM I'm not IN that DEPARTMENT." And was like offended. Bc the department I was asking her about is entirely made of Asians.

And now she hates me.