31.7.12

Olympic Porn

Courtesy of US Swimming hottie, Tom Daley:


WERQ


OLYMPIANS LOVE METH???

Obviously I think all celebrities are on meth, and most are. 

BUTTTTTTT

something I have never pondered is if OLYMPIANS also love meth!?!?!?!

I know that Olympic athletes are usually pretty healthy and love their bodies as their temples and all, but they are also famous, and fame usually leads to meth use, in my professional opinion. PLUS a quick google search reveals that Meth only stays in one's system for 3-5 days. So they could totally stopped pre-London (I am looking at YOU, Phelps).

Please enjoy a selection of methy-y looking athletes, competing in the London Games. And may the odds be ever in your favor.


Paul Biedermann, German swimmer

Germans can have a scary looking scene, but this dude will eat your heart whilst it beats between his methy teeth. 


Vasiliki Arvaniti, Greek beach volleyball player

Greek Yogurt + Volleyballs = METH


Jana Vesela, Czech basketball player

Yes this is a woman, and Yes I know she is a female basketball player.
Butttt METH. 


Ryan Lochte, US swimmer

OF COURSE Mr. Lochte never wears a shirt. And I don't think he is on Meth really but he does look like he needs a hug. 
 

Olivia Price, Australian sailor

Sailors are known meth users. PLUS she looks dead in the eyes. 



Luca Dotto, Italian swimmer


Luca is horrifying. His eyes are saying GIVVVVEEEE MEEEE MEETHHHH.



Katherine Driscoll, British trampolinist

First, being a TRAMPOLINIST is Olympic-worthy!?!?! That shit cray. Summer of '92 I could have trampolined in the Olympics. Great Summer. Second, this TRAMPolinist is a meth head. 


Marcel Hacker, German rower

Meth skin. a lovely shade of yellowish-grey. 


Michael Phelps, US swimmer


And last but not least, the biggest let-down of this year's Olympics. Some say he aint trying', I say:
METHHH!

Source


29.7.12

GIVE OLIVIA MUNN ATTENTION

Poor Olivia Munn. No one is paying attention to her so she is ripping her eyelashes out...and talking about it in national media.


Amurica first met Olivia Munn like this:



And she got attention because she is nakey and hot. 

Then she did some other stuff and no one cared. 

Then she played a boring economist on Newsroom and no one cared.

So, she has announced she suffers from a disorder known as trichotillomania and thus rips out her eyelashes. Munn claims it "doesn't hurt" but "is annoying". Wow.



WTF IS THIS SHIT?

Let's get one thing straight. It's not possible to not be from a country. 

Were you born in the Ocean? 






In SPACE? 






No. You were born in a country. So at the Olympics, which is when Countries compete at different sporting events, I don't understand how you can come country less. The Hunger Games would never allow someone not from a district to compete. It's like showing up to Toddlers & Tiaras without a mom. It's just not right.



LIARS:


Queen of the Olympics




27.7.12

Virgin Diaries

The Virgin Diaries is an amazing show on TLC.

You may remember the hype around these lovely V's sucking brain face at their wedding, which also happened to be their first kiss ever:


Meet Dan and his fiancĂ© Patrice. 



In the newest episode, they tell us a little bit about themselves. 

Dan: "I am looking forward to having sex for the first time, and seeing a woman naked for the first time."

Patrice: "And I have never had sex with a white guy."

GET IT, PATRICE!

MUST have.

1 million thank yous to DI who discovered this. Officially at the top of my wish list.


This is Awesome!!!

Every five years since 1982, these chaps posed in the same position at the same lake in California and took a photo.

It's real awesome. 

Pay closest attention to the gent second from the left, he has BY FAR the best looks. 











Heyyyy Boo Boo Bear


Meowwwwwwwwwwww.


20.7.12

Two People I Want To Be Friends With Based On Their Car Scenes:


1.


2.

An Update on Gang-Banging Pedophiles....

Anyone else find something terribly wrong with this picture from New Kids On The Block?



Happy Friday



BK: Banned 4 Life

This shit nasty. 

A Burger King employee in a Cleveland, Ohio suburb posted a photo of himself stepping in the lettuce buckets. 


15 minutes after the photo was posted everyone started freaking out. Because no one wants to eat lettuce from a shoe. Especially not from an organic, sustainable establishment such as Burger King, home of the Whopper. 

The nasty shoe man and his shift manager have been fired, but Burger King still seems unsafe. 

17.7.12

ATTENTION!!!!

Only 10 days remain until the Olympics!!!


DELTA: Banned 4 LIFE

This is unfortunate, mainly because I have so many Frequent Flier miles that will now go to waste. Le sigh.



So, on FOUR separate Delta flights leaving Amsterdam, SIX one-inch needles have been found inside of sandwiches. This is some vile shit. 




SIDE NOTE: Needle aside, that sandwich looks disgusting. That meat is 30 different colors and looks hard and dry and the cheese looks scary and it generally just makes my mouth hurt.

ONE of the passengers, James Tonges, has actually been put on a precautionary anti-HIV medication while they wait for test results as he found the needle when it poked the top of his mouth during the second bite of his nasty sandwich. 

"It's just kind of a wait and see game now," Tonges said.
"That's rough." I said.  

James Tonges, looking pissed

HOWEVER, good 'ole James Tonges son, who was traveling on a separate but equal flight ALSO BIT A NEEDLE. Unlike his poppa a young Tongs kept his needle (suspect) rather than give it to the police as he is planning a lawsuit. Call me (maybe) crazy but in my day when a father and son duo both eat needles at different times and plan to sue they are probably scammin' yo ass. 

Sooooo that's all crazy and I can't wait to see what happens.