moment of zen

danger zone!

St. Louis Arch Tooth. 

According to a new report, these are the top 20 most dangerous cities in the USA:

 1. St. Louis, MO

 2. Camden, NJ

 3. Detroit, MI

 4. Flint, MI

 5. Oakland, CA

 6. Richmond, CA

 7. Cleveland, OH

 8. Compton, CA

 9. Gary, IN

10. Birmingham, LA

11. Baltimore, MD

12. Memphis, TN

13. New Orleans, LA

14.  Little Rock, AR

16. Baton Rouge, LA

17. Buffao, NY

18. New Haven, CT

20. Dayton, OH

I have to say, I'm a little surprised that NOLA is #13. WTF is going on in 1-12!?

Do you live in any of these cities? Please share crime stories immeds!


Full ranking of all cities here

i WORSHIP this child

dont forget your kids!

a photo-bomb. cat and dog style.

great balls of fire

Ezekiel A. Ashman has had better days. Ezekiel is/was (status unknown) dating a young lady by the name of Amanda Victor. Amanda was very mad because Ezekiel had been seeing his ex girlfriend. During a heated argument, Ezekiel slapped Amanda. Naturally, Amanda got mad. Amanda retaliated by "grabbing hold of Ashman's testicle sack and tearing the scrotum open with her hands".

O

M

G

Police were called and arrived to find Ezekiel dripping with the blood and "with lacerations to his ballbag. When asked what happened, Zekiey simply responded "She ripped my balls off".

Well put. Zekiey was admitted to a local hospital and both were charged with assault. 

Wait. It gets better. I found a picture of Ezekiel and his lady (for real, i found them on facebook):

Hayyyy Girl! Love your shoes!!!!

You're welcome. 

WATCH. THIS. NOW.

There really aren't words. This is a zing display of courage, determination, academia, athleticism and general awesomeness. talk about improving the quality of your life: 

excuses 101

Getting out of work is an art, and I have a permanent exhibition at MOMA with my craft. In the effort to let all people skip work as often as you want, please find below one of my go-to excuses for missing a Monday when they know you were gone for a weekend.
This is a real email I sent my boss, and it worked.

Hi-
I just got bumped off my flight for some air marshall, I argued it but there was nothing I could do. There are no more flights back to NY today, so the next flight I can get on is at 6am tomorrow - landing I'm JFK at 10am. I will come straight from the airport to the office. I know we have status at 10, so I can dial in on my way to the office, just might be 5-10 minutes late dialing in.


Sorry about this, I'm not sure why I got bumped instead of someone else but they didn't accept "I have to be at work in the morning" as a valid reason to not bump me.


Thanks.

funny emails from my friends

From a friend trying to make a list of their sexual conquests, but having trouble remembering some names:

i just started and already have entries "SD rando" ,"Alphabet City person" and "girl who thought i was in arrested development"

1. Make a Wish

2. Happy National Corduroy Appreciation day

The date was selected, as it looks the most like Corduroy

11/11

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

More info is available by visiting the Corduroy Appreciation Club

hide ya kids, hide ya wives

Bad reality TV is my life fuel. It's amazing to me that these people exist in real life. AMAZING. Even the writers of LOST (who are the smartest, best writers on earth) couldnt make this shit up.

Real Housewives (of all cities) happens to be one of the most genius franchises on earth. From table flipping to death threats to gold diggers to weave ripping to fake cancer - these shows are the sweet nectar of the gods.

And just when I think I have seen it all, something even better happens. While this is HIGHLY inapprops for primetime TV (read: I am officially old when TV offends me. Pffhh) it is also MIND BLOWING that these are REAL people who REALLY thought this was a good idea.

Please view the selected screen shots below from Real Housewives of ATL star Phaedra Parks and her ex-con husband doing a pregnancy photo shoot:

(a special thank you to Lord Lloyd for helping me aquire these images)

this aint no chewing gum....

if you do nothing else today, or in your life, watch this

no friend o mine....

The below picture is from a REAL attendance sheet at a REAL school and is the name of a REAL child. Read the first kid's first name:

FRIENDOGOD????? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? This whole give my baby the weirdest name possible thing has gone TOO FAR. AND, to make matters worse, this poor child goes by "Friendo" - this poor kid will likely set themselves on fire before hitting puberty. Seems like a better option than living with that name.

Georgia O'Keefe for Jennifer Convertibles

Calling all lazy freak sex addicts!

The Vagina Couch has arrived!

If you live in the SF Bay area, and you want this, you are in luck. The posting that goes along with this great sofa is as follows:

For Sale - beautiful pink "vagina couch" that I made in art school and no longer have space for. The couch is large: measures 5' 3" long, 3' 3" wide at the middle, and stands 2' 3" tall (and is heavy like a couch). The pics are from my portfolio and are several years old; as a result, the couch has some scuffmarks and stains around the bottom from being moved, but otherwise is in excellent shape. A professional upholsterer helped me build the couch, so it is also functional and durable as a piece of furniture. The couch must be picked up in Mendocino, a 3-hour drive north of SF. I am asking for $600 and a loving home! Call Willow at [deleted] or reply to posting.

If you are interested - hit up Willow HERE

oh, this is a good idea....

This is a real book cover:

The Pedophile's Guide to Love & Pleasure. A child-lover's code of conduct.

WTF.

Who allows this to be published? There must be lots of NAMBLA freaks in the publishing world.

Available for the low price of $4.79 HERE

(but seriously, if YOU are thinking of purchasing this, I'd rather you didnt read my blog)

PAGING DETECTIVES STABLER AND BENSON!!!!!

sweet lincoln's mullet...

Watch EVERY POSSIBLE THING go wrong on the San Diego local news:




Keep up the great work, Ron Burgandy!

love letters to a peeping tom

passive aggressive notes are really amusing when living in apartment buildings. the below a note one very angry lady (not me) left for her building:

Even better, is the response letter she got:

world's largest house pet

Meet Jim and Linda Sautner. Jimda own the world's largest pet - a 1600 pound bison (buffalo) named Bailey Jr. He lives in their house. In the house. He plays with the sofa. Watch this:









My favorite part is how Bailey Jr is sucking the LIFE out of Jim's hand while Jim just chuckles and doesnt really answer questions. Its kind of like he had never thought for even a second about living with a 1600 pound animal (which is still growing and will be 2200) pounds until the reporter started firing away. And then, the only logical thing to do is go for a drive, natch. 




read more here

reasons why nola is superior

Please see the below Craigslist ad for yet another reason why NOLA is far superior to the rest of the country/world/universe. Ad was placed to fill a position at a popular headshop in the french quarter:



Unicorns need rounding up..please help! (NOLA)


Attention professional, EXPERIENCED RETAIL magicians, conjurers, prestidigitators, and talented arcane artisans.
Step right up onto the Blue X and weigh thine soul against those who have passed before you.
Dark forces gather against the world of mankind and we need your assistance.
Nearly one year ago we suffered a tragic fire in our hallowed halls.
Now we are renewed, rebuilt, restored...resurrected (sic)!
Be a part of our rebirth. Join us for the New Era of The Herb Import Company!
You must possess determination, valor, and an ability spin hay into gold.
Your heart must be pure, your feet quick and your eyesight keen.
If selected you must perform a 60 second interpretive dance during interview.
Archery or a knowledge of Zombie termination would be helpful.
Unicorn riding experience a plus, but not required.
If necessary you will be personally trained by The Unicorn Master.
For an interview you must first:


Apply in person at 4901 Canal Street.
Call 504-488-4889


Equal Opportunity Employer, GLBT friendly.
Sorry, no invertebrates need apply!


Location: NOLA
Compensation: $10.00/hour and up...let's talk.


Interested??? Click HERE to email to poster.

Happy Uni Hunting!

nothing to wear?

Grab that computer paper and get folding!

More info avail HERE