The Half Ton KILLER....

Oy. 

I assume unless you live under a rock you have heard of the Half Ton Killer. You know Mayra Rosales, the GIANT woman (she weighs 1000 pounds. ONE THOUSAND. I feel skinny) who was accused of killing her nephew (by sitting/rolling on him) and then falsely admitted to being the killer until it came out that her sister (the boy's mother) actually killed him by hitting him with a hairbrush and fatty pants was just covering up for her. 

This is some fucked up shit, 'Merica. 

Her lawyer describes meeting his obese client for the first time and mistaking parts of her body for extra pillows. 

"When you first walk in, she's got a blanket covering her; there's pillows all around her and so you don't know whether it's pillows or whether it's her," he said.

"If you reach back in again, you think this is all pillows. You make a circle and [you realize] that it's Mayra."

i actually have to hand it to this fatty. she pleaded guilty because she didn't want her sister's other children to go without a mother. that is heart warming.

however, when the coroners report stated that the child had died from being beaten not being smothered  they knew it wasn't her because she is too fat to beat someone.

that about covers it. 

DELTA: Banned 4 LIFE

This is unfortunate, mainly because I have so many Frequent Flier miles that will now go to waste. Le sigh.

So, on FOUR separate Delta flights leaving Amsterdam, SIX one-inch needles have been found inside of sandwiches. This is some vile shit. 

SIDE NOTE: Needle aside, that sandwich looks disgusting. That meat is 30 different colors and looks hard and dry and the cheese looks scary and it generally just makes my mouth hurt.

ONE of the passengers, James Tonges, has actually been put on a precautionary anti-HIV medication while they wait for test results as he found the needle when it poked the top of his mouth during the second bite of his nasty sandwich. 

"It's just kind of a wait and see game now," Tonges said.

"That's rough." I said.  

James Tonges, looking pissed

HOWEVER, good 'ole James Tonges son, who was traveling on a separate but equal flight ALSO BIT A NEEDLE. Unlike his poppa a young Tongs kept his needle (suspect) rather than give it to the police as he is planning a lawsuit. Call me (maybe) crazy but in my day when a father and son duo both eat needles at different times and plan to sue they are probably scammin' yo ass. 

Sooooo that's all crazy and I can't wait to see what happens. 

A Lesson In Stereotypes

WOW

A San-Antonio Wendy's worker, Juan Antonio Rosa, has been sentenced to nearly 22 years in prison for selling child porn...

through the WENDYS DRIVE THRU WINDOW.

SHUT. UP. There is absolutely nothing amazing about child porn, but this story is decidedly amazing.


The code word "SCOOBY DOO" was used to receive a memory card, along with a Dave's Hot n' Juicy.

This shit head, who also has two children, was released from prison just 2 years ago after serving 5 years for what else, child porn.

Sick-o.

calling child services!!!!

Lord. Have. Mercy.

The fact that i hate squirrels, dead or alive aside, this is pretty vile.

Watch immeds:




NOW.

a few things:

"bathtime" is not enough. this child needs to be hosed down like a prison inmate with lice.

If I had a child, and this perfect little being picked up a dead squirrel, my first reaction would be "PUT DOWN THAT DISEASED BEAST" not "I should grab my video camera!"

rabies for babies.

4 pairs of boots, 3 pairs of jeans, a wallet and some gloves....

...FOUND HIDDEN IN THEIR FAT ROLLS:

danger zone!

St. Louis Arch Tooth. 

According to a new report, these are the top 20 most dangerous cities in the USA:

 1. St. Louis, MO

 2. Camden, NJ

 3. Detroit, MI

 4. Flint, MI

 5. Oakland, CA

 6. Richmond, CA

 7. Cleveland, OH

 8. Compton, CA

 9. Gary, IN

10. Birmingham, LA

11. Baltimore, MD

12. Memphis, TN

13. New Orleans, LA

14.  Little Rock, AR

16. Baton Rouge, LA

17. Buffao, NY

18. New Haven, CT

20. Dayton, OH

I have to say, I'm a little surprised that NOLA is #13. WTF is going on in 1-12!?

Do you live in any of these cities? Please share crime stories immeds!


Full ranking of all cities here

great balls of fire

Ezekiel A. Ashman has had better days. Ezekiel is/was (status unknown) dating a young lady by the name of Amanda Victor. Amanda was very mad because Ezekiel had been seeing his ex girlfriend. During a heated argument, Ezekiel slapped Amanda. Naturally, Amanda got mad. Amanda retaliated by "grabbing hold of Ashman's testicle sack and tearing the scrotum open with her hands".

O

M

G

Police were called and arrived to find Ezekiel dripping with the blood and "with lacerations to his ballbag. When asked what happened, Zekiey simply responded "She ripped my balls off".

Well put. Zekiey was admitted to a local hospital and both were charged with assault. 

Wait. It gets better. I found a picture of Ezekiel and his lady (for real, i found them on facebook):

Hayyyy Girl! Love your shoes!!!!

You're welcome. 

oh, this is a good idea....

This is a real book cover:

The Pedophile's Guide to Love & Pleasure. A child-lover's code of conduct.

WTF.

Who allows this to be published? There must be lots of NAMBLA freaks in the publishing world.

Available for the low price of $4.79 HERE

(but seriously, if YOU are thinking of purchasing this, I'd rather you didnt read my blog)

PAGING DETECTIVES STABLER AND BENSON!!!!!

smooth criminal

MOTHER OF THE YEAR!

Please meet the lovely Erica Anderson, devoted mother and a bank robber!

Here are the facts:

• Erica walks into a bank in some po-dunk Oregon town and hands the teller a note asking for money, honey.
• The note ALSO instructed the teller to wait 15 minutes before calling the cops "or two kids wouldnt make it home from school today".
• Erica leaves with $1300 cash and gets in her getaway car, driven by a 19-year-old named Joshua. This is a great time to mention that Erica is 37.
• Police arrive at the bank (teller didnt wait 15 minutes, FYI) and became concerned for the safety of the children.
• No, no coppers, she was just worried she would be late to pick them up from school (it's ALL about time management when you are a bank robbing soccer mom)
• Cops arrived at Erica's house shortly after she returned home from picking up the kiddies from school and promptly arrested her. The kids were eating ice cream sammies. YUM!

The local detective, Dennis Ward, had these words of brilliance:

"We average between three and five bank robberies a year,” says Ward. “But I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anything quite like this.” 

A few things:

1. This rando town in Oregon averages 3-5 bank robberies a year!? That seems a little high. Are people getting away with it? Should I move to Oregon and live my fantasy of becoming a member of Oceans 11? or 12? or 13?

2. Why was her getaway driver a 19-year-old? Is Erica Anderson also a cougar? God, I hope so.

3. Who would rob a bank for $1300? Divided by her and her young cub. Thats only $650 each. You could probably rob a person and get away with more. I think if you are going to rob a bank, you should net at least 20k.

4. After robbing a bank, why would you go straight home??? Take your $1300 and go to six flags. Or ANYWHERE besides the FIRST place the cops will look for you. Clearly she is not a Law & Order watcher or she would have known better.

5. Vurrrrry much looking forward to the Lifetime movie made about this story.

6. I bet this bitch smokes meth.

For more on this AMAZING story, click HERE