WTF IS THIS SHIT?

Let's get one thing straight. It's not possible to not be from a country. 

Were you born in the Ocean? 

In SPACE? 

No. You were born in a country. So at the Olympics, which is when Countries compete at different sporting events, I don't understand how you can come country less. The Hunger Games would never allow someone not from a district to compete. It's like showing up to Toddlers & Tiaras without a mom. It's just not right.

LIARS:

Two People I Want To Be Friends With Based On Their Car Scenes:

1.

2.

An Update on Gang-Banging Pedophiles....

Anyone else find something terribly wrong with this picture from New Kids On The Block?

How To Determine When To Say "OH SNAP!"

bravo, pizza hut.

usually i mock new fast food offerings. but in this case, hats off!

Pizza Hut has created a new Garlic Bread Pizza. Wowie Zowie. This actually looks pretty awesome. 

Getcha Some.

bump n grind

Apparently, Honda has created the "Ultimate Sex Robot":

The sexbot has four expandable peens, vagines in three sizes, varying levels of butt-plugs, "vibro-humping-pads" and nipple tweakers to boot.


Wow.


Do you want to take a ride on the robot sex slave train???

danger zone!

St. Louis Arch Tooth. 

According to a new report, these are the top 20 most dangerous cities in the USA:

 1. St. Louis, MO

 2. Camden, NJ

 3. Detroit, MI

 4. Flint, MI

 5. Oakland, CA

 6. Richmond, CA

 7. Cleveland, OH

 8. Compton, CA

 9. Gary, IN

10. Birmingham, LA

11. Baltimore, MD

12. Memphis, TN

13. New Orleans, LA

14.  Little Rock, AR

16. Baton Rouge, LA

17. Buffao, NY

18. New Haven, CT

20. Dayton, OH

I have to say, I'm a little surprised that NOLA is #13. WTF is going on in 1-12!?

Do you live in any of these cities? Please share crime stories immeds!


Full ranking of all cities here

dont forget your kids!

great balls of fire

Ezekiel A. Ashman has had better days. Ezekiel is/was (status unknown) dating a young lady by the name of Amanda Victor. Amanda was very mad because Ezekiel had been seeing his ex girlfriend. During a heated argument, Ezekiel slapped Amanda. Naturally, Amanda got mad. Amanda retaliated by "grabbing hold of Ashman's testicle sack and tearing the scrotum open with her hands".

O

M

G

Police were called and arrived to find Ezekiel dripping with the blood and "with lacerations to his ballbag. When asked what happened, Zekiey simply responded "She ripped my balls off".

Well put. Zekiey was admitted to a local hospital and both were charged with assault. 

Wait. It gets better. I found a picture of Ezekiel and his lady (for real, i found them on facebook):

Hayyyy Girl! Love your shoes!!!!

You're welcome. 

this aint no chewing gum....

if you do nothing else today, or in your life, watch this

sweet lincoln's mullet...

Watch EVERY POSSIBLE THING go wrong on the San Diego local news:




Keep up the great work, Ron Burgandy!

Shutterbug

everyone is guilty of this. and this is hilarious.


Matthew Inman of The Onion has compiled/created a guide to the 7 things you really don't need to take a photo of. I am one zillion percent guilty of a few of these and I bet you would be pressed to find a facebook profile without a selection of the below. Enjoy. 

More Oatmeal Blog Here

brains + braun

there is a new sport in town. and it's crazy. and sort of cool. and sort of insane. 


chess boxing.

Breakin' it down:

• 2 players alternate rounds of chess and boxing. 
• The "match" starts with a round of chess, then boxing, and on and on.
• Each matchola is 11 rounds; 6 of chess and 5 of boxing
• The winner is determined by: 
• Checkmate
• Time running out before making a move in chess
• Knock out

This is so bizarre. And so awesome. Imagine getting punched in the face and then having to play chess 1 minute later. 


Leo Granit Kraft is the reigning champ, looking like a fighter AND a thinker:

Watch this for a full report:

STOP EVERYTHING! WATCH THIS!

this just made my day:

Every Little Step with Mike Tyson & Wayne Brady from Mike Tyson

genius.

santa does summer casual

Santa spotting!

Wearing his August best in a NOLA Walmart (of COURSE Santa lives in NOLA. We should have known!)

He is wearing crocs.

Santa's hat is a high-quality woven vinyl with no top, and he drives a rascal. Natch!

top 10 worst places to live

AOL Wallet Pop has published a list of the top 10 worst places to live in the US of A based on unemployment rates, health data, foreclosures, crime, climate and other breeders of misery.

Please see below for the full list of places to avoid moving. Condolences to readers who may or may not have recently moved to one or more of these locations.

1. El Centro, CA

2. Cleveland, OH

3. Detroit, MI

4. Las Vegas, NV

5. Oklahoma City, OK

6. Los Angeles, CA

7. Phoenix, AZ

8. Newark, NJ

9. Miami, FL

10. Memphis, TN