fashion fail: street spottings

it REALLY blows my mind what some people put on before leaving their house in the morning and they think they are ok. I often wish my job was to stand somewhere and people would come up to me and ask if their outfit is OK, and if i say no they have to go home and change. it's for their own good.

Today I saw this well dressed woman, she was attractive, her clothes we were cared for but then EGADS!! I looked down and her feet looked like so.




it was legit every ounce of self restraint I have (which isnt much) to not say something.

funny emails from my friends

There are a lot of things that bother me at the airport. Today it is 40 year old women with corn rows, fat people eating McDonalds and men with big square toe black shoes. I had to get that off my chest and knew you would understand. How is your morning going?

DVR ALERT

Antoine Dodson will be on the Today Show tomorrow, Wednesday August 25th.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

If you dont know Antoine, learn about him HERE

SNAZZY JAZZY RAZZY I WANT ONE

LADIES AND GENTS
HOLY SHIT
this is maybe better than a snuggie or a slanket

this is a SNAZZY, SLEEP IN STYLE

I love how they look Muslim, but have sheep on them.

restless sleep be gone!

just another manic monday

This August has 5 Sundays, 5 Mondays, 5 Tuesdays, all in one month. It only happens once every 823 years!

excuses 101

I am the master of excuses. legit. if you want to get out of something, i am your girl.

I am going to start sharing my most genius excuses for your getting out of work/dates/etc pleasure.

Please note: It is never OK to kill off a live family member. if you MUST resort to killing off someone, they MUST already be dead. morbid but true. respek.

OK.

The excuse of the day is the DELLEN.

A DELLEN is defined by the medical dictionary as:

A transient shallow depression in the cornea near the limbus which is caused by a local dehydration of the corneal stroma, leading to a compression of its lamellae. It can occur as a result of strabismus surgery, cataract surgery, swelling of the limbus (as in episcleritis or pterygium), rigid contact lens wear or senility.

A dellen is not life threatening, not so gross that you dont want to share the news, but serious enough that you MUST not attend your commitment.

This is what a dellen looks like:



Dellen can also be used as a verb.

Person A: What are you doing tonight?
Person B: UGH I have this date I REALLY dont want to go on.
Person A: DELLEN THAT!

Go forth, young fledglings! Dellen your life away!

santa does summer casual

Santa spotting!

Wearing his August best in a NOLA Walmart (of COURSE Santa lives in NOLA. We should have known!)

He is wearing crocs.

Santa's hat is a high-quality woven vinyl with no top, and he drives a rascal. Natch!

marcel the shell, with shoes on

cutels. genius. amazing. yes. yes. yes.

i LOVE the voice. LOVE.

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

only in nola

GANGSTA

HIV Prevention MOBSTERS

Da Crab Assassin

muchas gracias to DBC for sending in this GEM

MGMT banned for life

MGMT is the worst live band in the history of music. I'd rather pay to see a choir of dogs howl at the moon. NEVER EVER SEE THEM. Boycott.

funny emails from my friends

"Some old man just called my cell and said, 'hello, is this Jazzercise?' "

carrots can be eaten in a variety of ways...

duck tails - woooo!

A VERY special thank you to Mr. Buren Von Yondoline for this fodder.

Ducks have the largest peen's, proportionally speaking. Watch this video. There is even a money shot. I cant...

babies and bongs

Meet Rachel Stieringer.

Rachel is a dumb bitch who thought it would be funny to photograph her 11-month-old son playing with her bong. Because you know, babies smoking pot is funny?
Calling child protective services and proactiv.

read more here

fun facts about ants

The animal with the largest brain in proportion to its size is the ant.

Ants began farming about 50 million years before

humans thought to raise their own crops.

By combining force of numbers with organized aggression, ants have become the greatest insect killers on Earth -- even of their own kind.

Ants make up 1/10 of the total world animal tissue. The total biomass of all the ants on Earth is about equal to the total biomass of all the people.

Workers in an ant colony only live for about 45-60 days,

but a colony's queen can live up to 20 years.

nerd porn

chance of rain

it must be tough to be a weatherman, i mean, try as you might there is no way you can be good at your job. you just can't win. this weatherman tries to stand up for himself, and ends up having an on-air seizure:

vote for shreveport

if i lived in shreveport, i would vote for this glover just bc he knows he is fat, and put 'actual size' on his billboard. genius. man.

thanks to Ponce for the photo!

funny emails from my friends

"Also did I tell you that on Sat am I saw some man pull down his shorts and defecate on the sidewalk? Right in front of a Subway (restaurant). Like in the window. I almost passed out. This was in Chelsea for goodness sake!"

i want to rob a bank with this man

stop what you are doing and watch this right now!!!!

TODAY IS A MAGICAL DAY

sorry for the all caps, but today is PURE MAGIC. Both Kathy Lee Gifford and John Gifford were born today.

Amen.

vocab builder: danties

As I navigated the mean streets of NYC this weekend, I noticed a trend of girls in jean shorts sooooo short that their lady bits were about to pop out at a moments notice. They are part short, part denim, part panty....and hence the newest word in the English language was born...

DANTIES!

license plate awards

Regular FreeLeahPepper.com contributor, Dr. Sprinkelstein, sent me this delightful photo from his morning commute, a license plate that reads "UR FACE" - genius!

This naturally got me thinking about what the best license plates of all time were, so without further ado, the nominees are:

Yes I will go back to the future with you and your delorean:

Not in that car....

As if this weren't implied already by the corvette:

See a funny license plate? Send it in!

try not to bone in front of your kids:

here kitty kitty

so many cat posts lately i fear i am destined to become one of those "cat ladies"... like this:

but fret not, it just so happens the world is EXPLODING with weird cat shit.

for example, the cat fashion show held last night at the Algonquin hotel, in celebration of the hotel's resident cat Matilda's 15th birthday. Happy Happy Matilds!!!

not only is this bat shit (it's right up there with cat massages) - but they got the worlds WEIRDEST looking cats. they do NOT want to be doing this.

Naturally, put the hairless cat in a weave:

This cat is about to cut a bitch:

Self conscious about being dressed up as the poor cat:

Can't even be bothered(this is Matilda, the bday kitty):

Ok, so they dressed them up...but now they want them to speak!?

wise sensai cat:

This is totally the ring leader cat who is plotting a mayjah mutiny move:

check out more feline fashions HERE

things that make you go meeeeth

A splendid lil' leprechaun sent this awesome meth gallery my way.

As you know, meth kills. Please enjoy this Friday gallery of meth killing:

meth. dont do it.

Spotted: Waldo

funny emails from my friends

"I just found a ladybug in my ear. For real. I just itched my ear and there it was. Either it's good luck or really gross."

Do these skinny jeans make my diaper look big?

Image from Molly Dempsey of WSJ

Meet Ava Lane. Ava is 2 years old and lives in Florida. She also owns 4 pairs of skinny jeans.

She received her first pair as a gift, and they looked so cutels she had to stock up. Her brilliant mother comments:

"Babies and toddlers have big bellies, and skinny jeans are not for people with big bellies," says Ms. Lane, a 29-year-old museum marketing director. "But they still work."

I hope this "hipster for babies" trend continues and I start seeing 2 year olds in fedoras and safety-pin embellished tops.

God save Amurica.

Bat Shit Awards

I am nominating this woman for the bat shit awards. She is kind enough to share with us her tips on cat massaging.

Key highlights:

"Cats will tell us that petting is passe"

"No oils or lotions needed"

"good for you, use 2 hands to double your pleasure and double your fun"

i leave the rest for you to discover:

K-Mart copy writers are awesome.

A friend was shopping for a bandana on KMart.com today and noticed the delightful description:

You will find hundreds of was [sic] to wear this classic paisley print bandana. Perfect for tying up your hair, wearing tied around your leg, and more.

Oh, K-Mart. Get yours HERE

Celestial Soul Portraits

What to get for the special someone in your life who has everything? A Celestial Soul Portrait, DUH!

Here is how it works:

1. Contact dude and tell him you are in.

2. Have a phone consult so dude can get a feel for your aura.

3. Send dude a high-res picture

4. Dude meditates to find the "true you"

5. Enjoy final product.

Here are some examples of past work, please note that the first one is the artist himself!

Iasos Before:

Iasos After:

Dov Before:

Dov After:

Arielle Before:

Arielle After:

Get your very own Celestial Soul Portrait HERE